Why I Need Christ
I still do not understand. The truth that grips me and pulls at me when I just begin to experience joy is something I haven’t yet been freed from. It is the truth, how can I escape it? Joy, even joy in Christ, seems to fade in and out of my life. How can I be secure in anything if everything changes? You say that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Why can’t I be more like Him?
As a child I was more fickle than I am now. I saw a child on the bus today, and he began to cry for seemingly no reason, then he stopped as if nothing had happened. I must have done the same, crying over the most trivial things, begging for things that were clearly not good for me. Still now I feel fickle, like a child whose mood can turn in an instant. Yet I see that it is not truly so – I am no longer a child.
I no longer cry over spilled cereal, no longer read picture books and draw my father with a single horizontal line for his hair. Sending birthday invitations to all my friends is no longer my favorite event of the year.
So am I strong, unmoved by changing circumstances, free from emotion? Certainly not. I feel emotions even more deeply, it seems. Hurts hurt more than ever. But – the defining evidence of Christ maturing me is that as I realize more and more of my weaknesses, I also see more and more His sufficiency.
I do not feel much stronger, better, or smarter than a child. What once was spilled cereal has been replaced by equally trivial troubles, at least in the grand scheme of things. I still cry often, I am still extremely sensitive and selfish. And even if I imagine myself 50 years from now, I think I will still be this child whom I’ve always been. But the ironic, comforting truth is that as I grow older, I will also increase in childlike faith…and that is why I can rejoice in trusting Christ.