I feel like I am at my breaking point.
I look in my mirror and my face has never been this pale. My hair is straggly and falls around my face pathetically. My ears, my cheeks feel hot, yet my arms are frozen. And my throat is so, so tight I can’t speak without sounding like someone is firmly gripping it.
What is going on?
I usually feel convicted to write when I am passionate about something. When I am sure of something. When I have an answer.
But right now I have no answers. I only have doubts and insecurities and so much anxiety that you’d think it’s all the words racing around my head that have fallen down and clogged up my throat.
This is a time where I can only ask why? Why is it so painful to feel alone even amongst all of my friends? Why am I always encouraging others to be confident when I can feel how ugly I am even without looking in a mirror?
I cannot understand myself or the thousands of contradictions in my mind. And I still do not have the answers.